We are just tired because…
Let’s keep it “Trill” for a moment, shall we?
As a black woman, I’m expected to be pretty, not just pretty but flawlessly so. Lest someone better come along and take my man.
The same man who I bore children for, the same man whom I keep a clean house for, the same man who I cook for, the same man who I uplift when the world crushes him or kills him in the street, the same man who I March and protest for, the same man who I sex passionately so that he’ll feel the love I have for him resonate from my soul to his. The same man who calls me a “bitch” then tells me he didn’t mean it, the same man who expects me to forgive his many indiscretions, yet calls me a whore and walks out on me for the one time I flirt with someone who gives me the attention that I am starved for because the black man I’m with no longer looks at me in “that” way.
The same black man who I make doctors appointments for and look after his health more than he does, or more than I look after my own…. The one I call “daddy” to stroke his ego so he’ll know he’s the head of the household even though my pay far exceeds what he brings in and I’m the one who keeps the house running smoothly, but God forbid he doesn’t feel like a king, he’ll go find someone who makes him feel like one. But if I call myself a “Queen” I’m undermining all that the black man is.
The same black man who circulates memes that belittle black women, but if I cheer for a black man like Derrick Jaxson then I’m deemed an angry black woman, whose past has her jaded and I’m blackballed by his peers. And I BEST not make a post about being lonely, or asking a dating question on any social media outlet because if I do it more than once, I’m getting on the black man’s nerves with all that!!!!
The same black man who expects me to keep his house running like a well-oiled machine, but how dare I want to be a housewife (bitch better have my money). The same black man who tells me I don’t love him if I don’t sex him without a condom (after all, we’ve been sleeping together for 6 months… TUH) but leaves me when he finds out I’m 3 months pregnant, but talks shit about me when I get married to someone else when HIS kid is now 3 years old and he’s only seen him 5 times, including that one time in child support court, as his family was telling me I ain’t shit for asking for money putting the “white man” in our business.
The same black man my friends warned me about, but I made excuses for over and over. “Naw girl, he had a tough childhood and just need a little TLC. You’ll see, he’s a good man deep down, I can nurse him back to health“. And when I do, he takes his healthy ass to another woman.
The same black man who has damaged countless black women, but when he’s finally ready to settle down, looks for a black woman who’s never been hurt and not damaged.
The same black man who, if I challenge anything he does wrong to me, turns around and brings up my ENTIRE past via PowerPoint, with bullets points, pictures, timestamps, dates, and a well-edited voice over. Never taking accountability for his actions
This isn’t meant to be a rant blog. But as black women we are often made to compete and go harder in the workplace to prove our worth, so we don’t want to have to do that in our romantic lives. I am looked at oddly for wearing my natural hair in the workplace, I want my man to appreciate it, and not make me feel it needs to be bone straight for him to find me sexy.
For once, I’d like to be told: “I, as a black man understand it must be hard to be a black woman, and I got your back”. “I see your hustle, I’ve heard your cries, I know raising kids alone was hard on you, but I’m here”. “I get that you’re aging, and things are changing on your body, and the insecurities take a toll from time to time, but I STILL think you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen”. “I see you are working on a better you, and I’m 100 percent behind you, motivating you”!! Instead of “I know you have to work, see about the kids, make sure I’m good, cook, clean up, take crap from your boss, compare yourself to plastic women, sex me on demand and a bunch of other stuff, but can’t you at least TRY to keep your size 6 figure flawlessly in shape?!!!