Slivers of My Soul

So this Christmas my daughter hosted at her house.

Let me say that again!

So this Christmas MY DAUGHTER hosted at her house! Not only do I officially feel super old, but I’m SUPER proud!!!

let’s get the pandemic stuff out the way, because I know, we are in the middle of the biggest crises we’ll probably ever see in our generation, and many to come. We were super cautious. Everyone had been tested, and we’re all essential workers anyway, so, we haven’t been able to quarantine during this thing at all!!! We spend everyday with other people’s family as part of our jobs, so we spent Christmas with ours.

Back to it…

As I walked into her cute little 2 bedroom apartment that she shares with her beau of 5 and a half years, I was so proud of her. First thing I noticed was her BEAUTIFUL Christmas tree! This was her first one, and it wasn’t too much, nor too little. It was kinda like her, like she’s always been. Simple, plain, yet standing out based on her light that shines so brightly when you encounter her. I’ve been working, enjoying my own new place and hanging out with my own beau so much lately that it had been a while since I’d been over. She has it decorated so nice and warm and cozy. I couldn’t help but sit down and look around in awe of this little girl I raised and how much of a WOMAN she’s become.

She’d cooked, and BOY did she cook. I am not a cook, so I wonder where she gets it from. I laugh every time I say that because I sometimes feel like we were born backwards. She’s more the mom than I am. it’s funny, yet true. I don’t have to worry about when she does finally bless me with grandkids, because they’ll be well fed and taken care of. She’d made a ham, turkey, collards, potato salad, Mac and cheese, green bean casserole, yams, and corn bread muffins. My “son-in-law” (which I call him), did help with the dinner, he’s a great cook himself. And everything was yummy. Watching her tell everyone where everything was, in her little kitchen… MAN, I am one proud momma I tell ya. For Christmas she brought me a “record player” (not sure if they’re still called that), and a Diana Ross and The Supremes album. I LOVE IT!!!!!! I brought her her first pandora bracelet, and of course had to get the Mother/daughter charm. She is my BEST friend after all. She was beyond ecstatic. And she deserves it and so much more. On top of the fact that she introduced my honey and I. She said my picker is broken, so she picked her own step dad. Two peas in a pod would be an understatement to describe them (more to come on that later)….FUNNY!!!

All 3 of my sons (31, 30 and 27 years old) were there, 2 of them with their mates, and as we all sat around and ate and exchanged gifts and did our thing of telling stories of when they were kids, and some of the things we’d been through that made them who they are today. I fought back tears of gratitude. These are pieces of ME!! little slivers of my soul.

My oldest son JD is the father to all 3 of my grand babies, the other kids think he’s my fave, and I have to remind them that I’ve just known him longer, so we have a different type of bond(lol lol). He’s the deep part of my soul, as well as the part of me I call the “wanderer”. Kinda hard to keep his attention for long. He likes the new and different, he never gives up, and understands life in a way that most don’t! He and my “daughter-in-law” brought me a patio set for my apartment for Christmas, and though it came about a week earlier, I pretended to open their gift right there, and my son and I shared a good laugh. He always acts like the dad when we all get together, and his nerves are bad to boot. So getting a good laugh from him is ALWAYS guaranteed!!

My 2nd Son Jerome brought along his girlfriend. This was my first time “officially” meeting her. They’d known one another for about 5 years now, but just became an item. I’d met her once before, but only as a friend. This child is the one who’s SUPER considerate of others, a gentlemen in EVERY sense of the way. He ADORES his momma, sister, and grandmothers. He takes great care of the women in life. So I’m glad, although I always knew he’d be precise in picking who he chose to call his “woman”, and bring around his family. He’s my other half spiritually. He’s always had a calling on him that I can’t put into words. Anyone who’s ever encountered this one walks away feeling love, warmth, understanding, friendship, and BLESSED!!!! He’s the empathetic part of my soul. He brought his momma a pandora necklace, and a record player as well because he and my daughter didn’t know the other was getting me one. They all knew it was on my Christmas list. I like the girl he chose, and made sure to get her a gift although I was winging it, since I don’t know her. And I think she was happier than anyone else with hers. Maybe it was being thought of although it was her first family event with us.

My youngest son Aaron drove home from school to hang out with us and I miss him whenever he’s gone. He’s determined to finish school though he has battled an illness that causes him to sit out some semesters and when he does, he’ll be the first in my family to do so. Me and this young man have our ups and downs like no other. He’s more like me in every way than any of the other kids. He encompasses all that they do when it comes to slivers of my soul and THEN some. We like the same tv shows, movies, music. He’s a VERY deep thinker, and can understand some of my more off the wall conspiracy theories. We were the closes when he was a baby, through most of his toddler years. He’s the one that was thoroughly planned out as far as pregancy. He’s my rainbow baby born after a miscarriage. And boy did his dad and I treat him delicate as a baby, and he was the roughest of the kids. He’s the only one who’s broken bones, had stitches etc. He was the daredevil of the crew, and people find that hard to believe being that he’s my most laid back gentle kid now. He brought his momma some headphones to go with her microphone for podcasting.

There we all sat, in my daughter’s home, around the Christmas tree, exchanging gifts, eating, drinking, being merry… me in the middle of this little tribe that shares my bloodline, that I brought through to this earth, lavished with gifts of love, memories, joy, BLESSED even in the middle of all that is going on outside. Being able to breathe a sigh of relief of gratefulness even if just for a moment, with the people who love me!

The slivers of my soul will continue to live on through my grands and great grands and so on! And if I died tomorrow, knowing that my DNA is blessed in such a way, is enough for me to understand that my life was not in vain.

This by far was the BEST Christmas I’ve had since I was a kid!

I wish you all a VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON! May this next year see an end to this corona virus, and we are all blessed with perfect health, wealth, love and an abundance of joy!!

“Single-ISH” In the City

So I recently moved into my first one bedroom apartment… I know, I know, I’m a grandmother who’s about to become a “quinquagenarian”, and according to the “American Dream” I should be living in a house, where all of my kids and their babies can come, and visit, and possibly move in if they need to….

THE HELL YOU SAY!!!!

Let me just say that this is the best thing I’ve done for myself (besides going vegan, and healing some old childhood trauma) in EVER!!

My previous place (although I lived virtually alone) was a 3 bedroom, intended for if one of my adult kids ever needed to “come back home” for a bit to gather themselves due to some unforeseen financial hardship, or relationship drama or whatever. So though I technically lived alone, it still was designed and decorated with all of that in mind.

But THIS time, for the FIRST time, I have my own place. I went from my momma house (which was shared with her and 2 younger brothers), to my own first apartment with my own kids, to my first marriage in a house in which there were 6 people and well…..it goes on from there. But now all of the kids are finally GROWN GROWN, and GONE GONE!!! And let’s just say that Ari Lennox had it right when she sang: “I just got a new apartment, and I’m gone leave the floor wet, walk around this Bitch naked, and nobody can tell me SHIDDDDDD”!! I

If you’ve never heard that song, check it out. She literally made that song for ME!!

I’ve discovered so many things about ME, my decorating style (which I thought was always “motherish) turns out is a little modern/contemporary/minimalist. That I didn’t know how much I TRULY enjoy walking around with no clothes on.. I mean my GOODNESS, even I get sick of seeing me naked sometimes. This place has lots of natural lighting, so my balcony doors have windows above them that don’t have blinds nor curtains, and I’m on the 3rd floor. The building across from me has 5 floors, I’m sure the top 2 get PLENTY of shots of this nakedness, and IDGAPHUCCKKKKK!!! As much as I pay in rent to live in this place, they gonna get as much nakedness as I choose to give them. On my days off I like taking extra baths and showers changing clothes a few times (when I do wear them) and just walking around drinking wine while pretending I’m some SUPER diva… so in essence, I guess I like playing dress up! Cooking has DEFINITELY become my favorite past time. So much so that my boyfriend brought me an air fryer to try different recipes. One of my faves is Parmesan Brussel Sprouts cooked in it, tossed in maple syrup and balsamic vinegar (I’ll be doing a Youtube video on that one soon). AMAAAAAAAZIINNNNG!!!

I have become quite the handy woman. lol. I’ve always been really good at putting stuff together, as a kid, being the oldest of my siblings in the house, whenever we got new toys, I was the one who had to put them together. Be it bikes, big wheels, telescopes or any gadgets. But because this place is definitely smaller than I’m used to, I gave away and tossed all of my old furniture, and started over. I ordered a couch that I had to actually put together which was funny to me, because I didn’t even know that was possible. But I mean I had to put the sides, the back and the bottom of it on, before adding the legs and cushion. Interesting to say the least. Add to that an accent chair, a very sturdy living room table, an entire patio set with 2 chairs and a table, a whole bed, and an ottoman. I’ve become “Kita The Tool Woman Taylor” up in this piece! And pretty proud of it.

Now, I am also pretty proud of where I live, the location (downtown Decatur), and TOO many amenities to name. I definitely enjoy giving tours to the people who’ve come to visit me so far. From the rooftop club house, to free wifi throughout (you have to get your own in your apartment), to a state of the art gym, to seating areas all around the property with tvs outside to enjoy, to fire-pits, to a pool area that you can enjoy year round (no swimming after October) But the area itself which has 2 big grills inside of the pool area, heated seating area with a tv (both upstairs and downstairs) small water falls etc. And outside of the pool gate, there is a bar, with a tv, a green egg, and 2 more grills. I also have a water fall right outside of my apartment which is very soothing for my outdoor meditation, and there is an entire community gathering area/building with video games, free coffee 24/7, 4 tvs, a fireplace, glass rooms to host meetings (open for use to any resident), pool tables etc. I live above the place where I get my nails done, as well as a Jason’s Deli, a Whole Foods, Bad Daddies, and a few other restaurants, and places. Having neighbors of ALL ethnicities and economic back grounds has been fun to say the least. There is a dog park and wash on the property, and I forgot how serious some folk are about their pets.

But not to get caught up in all of that, when people ask me why I chose to move here, instead of a house, I’m usually taken aback at the “audacity”, especially when they say “I would NEVER pay that much for an apartment” and I haven’t even told them what my rent is, but they’ve assumed based on all it has to offer, which means low key they know it’s worth it. Or some have admitted to looking into this place when it was first built a little over a year ago. So they thought about it, but it’s okay. I also realize that not everyone understands free thinking outside of the box of what society considers “the norm”. And choosing what makes THEM happy and not what other people say is the guideline for happiness! I love it here, I love the apartment living for now. I have lived in a house or 2 and it was okay for me when my kids were little, and I’ll be buying soon, mostly to have something for my little “family” to to pass down”!

But for now, I am so enjoying the “FREE”! Only obligated to a couple of rooms, minimal decoration (which was hard to do, I had a lot of SHIT!), I don’t even have cable (there are plenty of televisions around this place to go watch when I NEED to), something I haven’t done in a while. I only have internet service, and a fire-stick. And I don’t miss it AT ALL!!! I haven’t watched the news in over 3 months and my life feels lighter. When Le’Boo comes over, we usually just listen to music, or sit around laughing and talking shit for hours, television isn’t even thought of. We’ll find a good movie to watch from time to time if the mood hits.

YUP, “apartment living is the life for me” (old people will get the “Green Acres” starring Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor reference. DAMN I’M OLD!! lol). Only drawback is that I’ve never had all hard wood floors and I find myself sweeping and swiffering a lot more often than I’d care to admit, because you can see EVERYTHING even though they’re a light grey. Also that everything is done via computer, or electric I guess you could say. So you need a fob to enter all areas of the apartments, even your own door. They made sure we ain’t around here passing out extra keys *insert guilty laugh*. I’ve locked myself out twice now, and had to use an emergency “pin number” to gain entry. Also our package/slash mail room is in a whole ‘nother building a bit aways from my actual door, and with the way I’ve been ordering furniture and stuff, I have to wait until the boyfriend is around to pick up my heavy deliveries, or get one of the kids to come by and help. But those are the only complaints I have.

The nakedness, and absolute JOY of coming home to this place everyday with wine waiting in the fridge make up for the little inconveniences! So if you’ve been looking for me, I’ve been here, at home, enjoying the new place, and everything else that 2020 has given me that I asked for! I’ll be posting more on my Youtube channel soon so make sure to go follow “All Things Kita Redd”. And I’m working on my podcast which I’ve been so caught up on the details of the name and cover art that I haven’t recorded my first one yet, but stay tuned for it as well, so many GREAT topics to explore that I’m SUPER excited to say the least.

“Now let me go check on these GahDamn garbanzo beans, to see if they cooked yet”!!

The Artist and The Musician

Their meeting wasn’t by chance.

SHE was an artist in every sense of the way. She was a creative writer, detailed in her story telling. It felt like you were there, watching the characters as she so vividly catered to your imagination. Her own imagination was just as wild and free as she was. She also used her body in expressive ways when she danced. She could conjure love through her movement, and When she sang, it was if the heavens were sending angels through her vocal cords to bless the soul of the world. SHE was a true artist. Her greatest gift being the way she could make a story come to life through her paintings. The detail in the colors and the strokes. How one painting could be… “naturalistic”, clear, concise, detailed beautifully, with no need to try and figure out its meaning, or purpose. Yet the next, so abstract, that one could literally stand in front of it for days, and not understand from what dark part of her soul it came.

HE was a talented musician. He could play just about every instrument ever invented. His fingers… THEY themselves… it was like little different souls occupied each one. They could make a piano seem but a lowly body, used for their amusement, the way they would play each key, every note, a beautiful wailing of being touched by his nimble fingers. When he played the violin, watching the perfect piece of carved wood nestled gently under his chin, cradled and held safely with one hand, as the other stroked the strings with his bow. His eyes closed, you could tell he was making love to it in his mind. And the violin was pleased with his work. The sounds that came from it,. you knew. Music to him, was what food is to others. It fed him, it pleased him, it nourished him.

Whenever they got together, it was as if they fit like the needle to the grooves of your favorite 12 inch. The anticipation of being in the presence of the other made every breath deeper, made both hearts beat faster and somehow they could feel themselves redeveloping childhood butterflies even though they’ve known each other for years.

They’d both been on their own life’s journey , experiencing pain, heartbreak, and emotional trauma. Each time healing themselves through their “art”! Each time, vowing that the “last time, was the last time”! And both sticking to their guns for the most part, until their paths crossed! It was if it was fate, destiny, it wasn’t in their hands, it just happened, and Half the time neither could still understand how they let their guard down for the other, or even how they’d gotten so close so fast, yet they understood that, This part of the journey isn’t theirs, it solely belongs to Twin Spirits that, in the beginning of time promise to find each other through every generation for the duration of time. These two, even though unrecognizable by the physical makeup would always know “Home” by the ways their Spirits played and danced, sang and every conversation was as if they were catching up on this life.

The Artist, so talented she is, not only could she craft a work of art to rival Van Goh, she could also “Draw” the life of love out of him, the love he held loved for only one soul, one spirit…his Twin. And every time he looked into her eyes, he saw glimpses of lifetimes, past lives. Her eyes were the window to HIS soul!!!

The Musician, a talented virtuoso, skills ranging from Beethoven to Fritz Kreisler, to Boccherini to even the late great B.B. King!!! This man could create a melody in her that made her soul dance for the universe!! Her heart would become the drum in the background to his music, the way it beat for him!!

Some of the worlds most beautiful masterpieces are created by tortured souls. Souls unaware of who they are, why they’re here, never fully capable of loving nor accepting love. They only know how to pour their heart into their work. Whether it’s by writing, painting, dancing, playing and writing music, or poetry. Artists know how to let their souls bleed into their work.

To watch 2 twin soul artists, find one another, in THIS life, is to bear witness to a cataclysmic romance. Sometimes filled with overwhelming emotional trauma, fueled by a love so deep, it surpasses their own understanding, so they hurt one another without trying. But on the other end, to be in the presence of these souls when they are fully aligned with themselves, and one another. Vibrating on levels that shift a room when they walk in. Operating at a frequency that only few will comprehend.

THAT is when you get to behold the greatest art ever created through music!!

THEY are art…THEY are music…THEY are twin flames…THEY are forever over many lifetimes…THEY are love…

THEY ARE THE ARTIST AND THE MUSICIAN! AND CREATING IS JUST WHAT THEY DO!!!

Art by Lisete Alcalde!

The Beginning

“It can’t be 5 am already”, he mumbled as he reached over to silence the alarm. “Oh well, I better get up and get this day started before I change my mind and call out“.

As he made his way to the kitchen to fix his morning cup of Joe, something felt different. He had a normal routine that he followed daily, but this morning he felt as if something strange was about to happen. Not strange in a bad way, but definitely different.

As he started his car and opened the garage to head out, he had that feeling again, but so far, nothing different had happened. He turned the radio to his favorite morning talk show, put his sunglasses on, let the roof back and exited the cul-de-sac. He waived at the neighbors as he drove by. He loved where he lived, everyone was so friendly, he loved that the children played outside, something he thought was a thing of the past. Although he’d never been married or had kids of his own, whenever his nieces and nephews visited, they enjoyed being outdoors with the rest of the kids.

As he drove up the street, the feeling of something being “different” was getting more and more intense. He was almost out of the neighborhood when he noticed a house he’d never seen before. But how was that possible? He’d been living there for 8 months now and thought he’d seen every house there was. He knew at least 90% of his neighbors, and the ones he hadn’t met personally were usually the younger couples who were always busy jet-setting. But there it was… like a little cottage, hidden away among overgrown grass, shrubs, and bushes. He slowed down as he was stunned at the sight of it. As he looked closer, he noticed the door was cracked a bit, and because the sun wasn’t fully up, he could tell that a light was on in one of the bedrooms. Surely no one lives there, he thought.

He pulled slowly into the driveway, which was barely visible due to it being unkempt. He put the car in park and thought to himself what am I thinking, do I really want to go into a stranger’s home? What if someone in there is in need of help? Oh well, here goes nothing. He exited his car slowly, still unsure if he was going to go through with it. He approached the house with caution. “DAMN, I left my gun in the car”! He said aloud. “Too late now“.

He slowly pushed the door open, stepped inside, and asked: “anyone home, HELLO, is anyone here?” Nothing… He walked into the foyer, he could see the kitchen from there. There were dishes in the sink piled high, empty wine bottles and glasses were strewn about. Hmm, maybe it’s not too late to turn around after all. What if there is someone dead in here? I’m not ready for that. He continued through anyway, something wouldn’t let him leave. He walked into the living room, he could tell the person or people who lived there had really good taste. The furniture was beautiful, the decorations were impeccable, the art, oh what beautiful art donned the walls. Looked like there was definitely a woman’s flare all over this place. Although not so organized right now, he could see the beauty.

He continued on down the hallway where he came upon a closed door. He assumed it was a bedroom. He stood there for a second, and took a deep breath, as he wasn’t sure if he was ready for what could be behind it. He knocked on the door softly at first, then a little louder, calling out to see if anyone could hear him. No answer. He turned the doorknob slowly, the door creaked as he gently pushed it open.

OH, MY GOD…Is she dead?

There, lying in the bed was a woman’s lifeless body. He thought the worse and reached for his phone to call 911. But just as he’d dialed the first 2 numbers, she moved. She moaned, and she moved. Stunned, he dropped the phone. He stood there for what felt like hours just staring in amazement. She was BEAUTIFUL, although it was obvious she’d been in there for days if not weeks.

He decided to move closer. “Ma’am, are you okay?”…..Nothing….. He moved even closer, sitting on the bed next to her, he whispered “ma’am, are you okay?” When he touched her, he could feel the “broken” parts of her. As if someone had taken something so beautiful, tossed it about until it was no longer useful, and left her there to die. Although he couldn’t see any physical damage, when he touched her, he could feel the damage to her soul, her heart, her spirit. How was he able to feel something like that from someone else?

As he sat there, he scanned the room, noticing the papers strewn about, and the 2 closet doors that were open, one filled with what was obviously women’s clothing, and the other had only but a few t-shirts, a couple of empty shoe boxes (which seemed to have once housed men’s shoes), he noticed a couple of ties, and a bunch of empty hangers. “hmmmmm, wonder what happened here” although it was clear to see this woman was dying from a broken heart.

He sat for a second, thinking of what to do. He knew he couldn’t call the police for a matter like this. I mean, how would they help?  He looked down at his watch and realized if he were going to make it into work at all, he would be EXTREMELY late. Retrieving his phone from the floor, he dialed his office and informed his assistant to forward any important calls to his cell phone, hold all others, and to let his boss (if he asked) know that he had an emergency to attend to. He’d been with “Franklin, Hamilton, and McGuire” for many years, and was one of the youngest, successful lawyers in the firm, the only time he’d missed was when his mother died since joining,  so there should be no problem.

After he hang up the phone, he once again looked around the room in an effort to decide what to do. Wondering if this woman had any family or friends he could call. But what would they think if a strange man were to ring their phone? He decided to handle things himself.

He started in the kitchen. Washing the dishes, cleaning off the counters, getting rid of the empty wine bottles, and taking out the trash. Once done, he checked the fridge to see if there was anything he could cook for her. Nothing… He decided to make a run to the store.

When he returned, he cut up and sauteed a few of the fresh veggies he’d brought, put a chicken breast in the oven after seasoning it, and basting it with this wonderful sauce he learned to make over the years. He tossed the asparagus into a pan, to steam, and as he made his way back into the bedroom, he was glad in that moment that his mother taught him a little about cooking. But he was also hopeful that she would eat what he’d prepared.

He returned to the bedroom to assess the damage there. Not too bad. A few more wine bottles and glasses, papers on the floor, a few items of clothing.

He 1st pulled the curtains open. It was so dark in there. He wanted to let some sun in. He started to pick up the things from the floor, glancing over at the woman he still couldn’t believe he was in a stranger’s home, but something had drawn him there. He began to wonder if she’d ever wake up. He also wondered what her name was.

Wow, I don’t even know this woman’s name, he thought to himself. I’ll call her “Sleeping Beauty”. But does that make me a prince? He had to laugh at himself. He felt he was far from that. Just as He was in deep thought, she moaned, or more what he thought was a cry, and turned over. He stood very still. If she woke up he didn’t want to startle her with his presence in her home. But she just went right back to sleep.

He continued cleaning her room. Even straightening the things on her dresser and nightstands. Once done, he returned to the kitchen to check on the meal. It was done. He went about preparing her a plate. He noticed she had a breakfast tray in one of the cabinets. He poured her a glass of tea, put it and the plate on the tray and returned to the bedroom. He stood there for a second trying to decide how he’d even go about waking her, let alone getting her to eat food prepared by a strange man in her house.

He slowly approached the bed. He sat the tray down on the nightstand. He sat on the bed next to her. Gently touching her to wake her. He felt it again. The pain, the brokenness. How does that keep happening? He thought to himself. She turned towards him, eyes still closed. He picked up a fork full of veggies, not sure if she’d eat, he sat her up a little and began to feed her. To his surprise, she ate a little, not enough for his satisfaction. But at least she had something on her stomach. But after she’d eaten, she lay right back down and as if she’d never awaken, she went right back to her slumber.

He took the tray back to the kitchen, cleaned the dishes, and decided since he’d already dove into this thing head first, he may as well finish.

Once he was done in the kitchen, he headed back to the bedroom, he went into the bathroom to retrieve a washcloth. It too was a bit untidy, but she obviously loved perfume, there was bottle after bottle of expensive fragrances, all neatly placed upon the double vanity top. He picked up one to smell, closing his eyes, he took in the fragrance. He could imagine some beautiful woman wearing it. He had to snap out of the daydream he was in. He found the linen closet, retrieved a towel, wet it with warm water. Returning to the bedroom, he gently rolled the woman over and began to wash her face. GOD this woman is amazingly beautiful he thought as he wiped her face like a delicate flower (which in his mind he’d decided she was at that moment). He was tempted to kiss her but knew he was obviously out of his mind to even consider doing such.

He pulled the curtains back closed, put the cloth back in the bathroom and pulled the bedroom door up behind him quietly as he exited the room.

He decided to go to the shed in the backyard that he’d noticed when he opened the curtains. And just as he hoped there were a lawn mower and some other tools. He cut her grass, trimmed the hedges and brought her yard back to life. He was actually surprised to see how beautiful the house was once the dead stuff was cleared.

After that was all done, he returned to his own home to shower. He would come back later to check on “Sleeping Beauty”.

When he returned to her home, it was dark out, so as not to wake her by turning the bedroom light on when he entered, he had remembered seeing candles in her bathroom on the sink, so he decided to use a couple of those for lighting. He’d found a lighter in a drawer in the kitchen.

He took the candles and placed one on either side of the bed on the nightstands. WOW, she is even more beautiful by candlelight. He stood there, once again, staring at her. He had started to feel like a stalker and wondered if he should go ahead and make a call to someone to come and check on her. Maybe that’s what I should do.

 He started to search around for a cell phone, hoping to maybe find the number of a family member: a mom, or dad, sister… Just as he was on his hands and knees, and retrieving a phone from underneath the bed, she once again moaned and rolled over. He decided he’d take the phone into the living room to search numbers. He stood up, and as he went to exit the bedroom, he heard what HAD to be the voice of an angel “please, don’t leave me. Stay right here”, she whispered. He turned around to make sure he was hearing what he thought he was. She was laying on her side, facing him, but he couldn’t tell if her eyes were open or not. So he continued toward the door, and once again, the angelic voice implored him to please stay with her.

What should I do? Does she think I’m someone else? Maybe she’s dreaming. Yeah, that’s it, maybe she’s talking in her sleep. He stood totally still for a second, and just as her voice called out again, he started toward her, unsure of what he’d do when he got to her. Though her bed was only feet away from where he initially stood, it seemed to take him 10 minutes to reach it.

He walked over and sat down on the side opposite to where she lay. She reached out her hand, he took it, and instantly he felt a pull in his soul. Something electric he’d never experienced before. He felt his entire life was literally in the hands of this woman, whose name he didn’t know. Whose house he was actually intruding in. Whom he felt he had known forever, yet knew nothing about her. Except that he was supposed to be right there with her…in that moment… in that space… at that time… taking care of her.

He lay down and watched as she went right into the slumber in which he’d found her. He himself drifted into the most peaceful sleep he’d ever experienced.

The next morning, he awoke and decided he better go ahead and call one of her family members. As he exited the bedroom, he took one last look at this “Sleeping Beauty”. Drinking in every part of her intoxicating aura. He found a number that said “mom”, called it, and said he’d found the cell phone, and wanted to return it to the owner, but didn’t know who it belonged to. Her mother said she was in another state and had been trying to reach her daughter. Thanked him for calling, said she was on her way into town to check on her daughter, she’d call the phone upon arrival for him to return it to her.

That night, he barely slept a wink. He couldn’t get this woman off of his mind. He wanted so badly to return to her place, lay beside her, and once again, drink in the essence of her, and find the sweet slumber, he’d experienced the night before.

He finally dozed off for 2 hours, jumped up the next morning. Groggy, confused, wondering if the last few days had been a dream. But when he walked into his bathroom, there on the sink where he’d left it the night before, was her phone. He checked to see if there were any missed calls. But nothing.

Driving out of the subdivision the next morning, He slowed down as he passed her house. He noticed a car in the driveway with out of state tags. He wondered if that were her mom, but wasn’t sure, since there were no missed calls on her phone.

He could barely focus at work the next day. He checked her phone,  what felt like every 5 minutes. He told himself that he wanted to be sure he didn’t miss the call from her mom, but deep down, he knew he was hoping for any chance to get one more look at “HER”. It’ didn’t ring once!!

7:30, he left the office, decided to stop at the hotel across the street, and catch the game with some of the other partners in the bar located in the lobby. He had the phone in his jacket pocket, just in case the mother called.Sitting down at the bar, before he could place his order, he bartender said “one whiskey sour coming right up”. That was his regular drink. His life really was pretty routine.  He tried his best to focus on the game,  as he ordered another drink…but all he could think about was the woman in the house he never knew existed.

He was pulling the phone out of his pocket for the 10th time, when he heard “dude, you okay? You haven’t been here with us all night. There’s obviously something on your mind. And that’s your 5th drink. I hope you’re not worried about the Dovousky case. We got that in the bag. We didn’t become number 3 law firm in the country for no reason. Relax bro”.

He faked a smile, and decided his colleague was right. Just then the entire bar erupted in cheers and claps, their team had scored and he joined in the excitement. It was at that moment he felt a vibration in his jacket pocket. Wait.. could this really be? He looked down, and sure enough, he saw the light through the pocked. Oh My GOD, what if it’s HER, what am I going to say? How will I explain how I ended up with her phone. I told her mom I’d found it, but I never said where. What if she remembers I was in her house and calls the police? He was busy with the “what ifs” in his head that the phone stopped ringing. He felt both relieved and sad, But it rang again, and this time he picked it up. Maybe it’s her mother calling.

Hello….  “hi, I understand you’ve found my phone” the angelic voice said. It was her, she was up and awake, and what a beautiful sound her voice was to his ears. He flashed back to the last 2 days he’d spent taking care of this stranger. Cooking, cleaning, feeding her. He remembered how soft her skin was as he washed her face….

“hello?” the voice said again. Oh yes, I um, I….I,,,I…I I um, yes, I have, I mean, I found a phone. He could barely form any words. “Okay, that is such a relief, although I’m still not sure where I could’ve lost it, I don’t remember leaving the house for the last few days. But the last few days, actually the last few weeks are all a blur”, He could hear the tremble in her voice… So I’ll gladly return it, just let me know how you’d like to retrieve it, He interjected to save her from thinking to hard about the last few days/weeks. “Okay, do you know the little cafe located the corner of 8th and broad street?” He was very familiar with it, that was one of his favorite places to go whenever he wanted to go over case files. The coffee was amazing as were the sandwiches. Yes, I’m familiar with it. “Okay, can you meet me there tomorrow afternoon around 2:30?”

I um, um, um…sure. How will I know who you are? He asked, if he didn’t remember every detail of her face. “My name is Noel, and I’ll be sitting at the 3rd table to the right”. 

She hang up the phone before he could say anything else. His heart was pounding so hard, he thought he was going to pass out. He paid his tab and left the bar without even saying goodbye to the others, He drove home in silence, as he approached the subdivision, he glanced over at the little house, and it was fully lit. He wanted to knock on the door and hand Noel her phone and tell her everything about how he’d been in her house and how he’d fallen in love with her while she slept. But he knew he’d either end up in jail or an insane asylum as it sounded. crazy and creepy to even him. He kept going, went home and tried his best to sleep through the anxiousness that night.

1:45 couldn’t come fast enough the next day. Although the cafe was only about 15 minutes away from his office, he didn’t want to chance getting there late, and he also needed extra time to get his nerves together just in case she wanted to know where he found her phone.

He sat outside the cafe, and watched her walk in. She even moved like an angel. As if she was floating. And she was absolutely the most beautiful thing he could recall laying his eyes in his life.

He watched her walk in and sit exactly where she said she would. He sat in his car for another few minutes until he was finally able to get his legs to move

He walked into the cafe, and as their eyes met, he could see hers light up as if she’d seen her own angel…

TO BE CONTINUED FROM NOEL’S SIDE!!

 

You Make It Better

You make breathing easier. For so long I’ve held my breath as I feared breathing would mean I had to live through another moment of uncertainty.

You make looking in the mirror everyday exciting. For so long I couldn’t look myself in the eyes, the reflection staring back at me ashamed of the many erroneous choices I’d made in the past.

You make the sun seem as though it’s shining brighter, even when it’s raining outside. For so long a dark cloud of sadness followed me around like an 80’s cartoon. Constantly raining the pain of regret down on me.

You make my smile bigger than it’s ever been. For so long I’ve faked happiness. I’ve made others feel the way I wanted to feel, and it was never returned. Only taken for granted. But I would go on smiling and pretending that life was good. I no longer have to “fake it”!

You make food taste better, you make my favorite tv show livelier. You make laughing seem as though I’m floating on a cloud with all of my ancestors applauding me saying “job well done”. The happiness has no end. You make going to work everyday feel like I’m living my best life, because I know at the end of the day, there is you, waiting to Make anything that went wrong, BETTER!!!

You make me BETTER, you make life BETTER, you make US BETTER, you make IT BETTER!

Selfishly Single?

I’ve been gone for a minute, living and enjoying life, but I’m back…. With a gem of a blog if I say so myself.

Lately, I’m seeing more and more memes, as well as Facebook and Instagram posts that seem to be geared toward making women who are of a certain age, and not yet married, or at least in a committed relationship feel as if they should be taken to the back of an empty shed, to be euthanized like a once prized racehorse with 2 broken legs, because they are of no service to ANYONE including themselves.

For a second, as an almost 50-year-old single woman myself, (Though I’ve been out and about dating, and getting to know different people) I was about to be slightly offended by the memes and relentless posts, but then I came across this jewel which I’m sure was another post with the intent to once again, make women feel bad for not being hopelessly tied to ONE person.

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And it CLICKED!!!! I AIN’t shit right now!!!! 

You see, I’ve been a mother since I was 18 years old… My children are coming up on 30, 29, 26, and 24 this year. I raised my first grand-baby from birth through kindergarten. I’ve also been married twice, with 1 long term relationship in between the 2 times I traded nuptials. At least 30 years of my life has been dedicated to catering to and being accountable for the needs of others. Not to mention that I have 2 younger brothers for whom I was basically the primary care giver as my mother worked outside of the home.  For years I’ve been unable to merely use the bathroom and wipe my ASS without letting someone know my plans. My grandbaby even a few years ago would pull the shower curtain back when I was in it, like Norman Bates in a scene straight out of the movie “Psycho”, just to ask me “nana, what you doing?”.  I’ve been a booster mom for both band and football teams. Team mom for recreational age cheer-leading and football, t-ball, and baseball. I’ve gone to bed still hungry because others thought my food seemed tastier than theirs, though we all had the same thing on our plates (the children AND the men). I’ve assisted with more homework, kissed more “boo-boos”, told more bedtime stories, been the tooth fairy, a doctor, a lawyer, a mediator, a financial consultant, a therapist, a shoulder, an entertainer, a character out of a book or movie. I’ve role played (with the husbands to keep them interested), been a stripper… for them lol. I’ve prayed, fasted, lay on the altar, spent countless amounts of dollars on copays, and medicines, and so many other things that my children needed. Because there are 4 of them, it wasn’t always easy. I know, I know, you’ll say that’s what I signed up for when I gave birth. And you’re ABSOLUTELY correct!!! I have not ONE complaint nor regret, if I could do it all over again, I would.

But guess what… I DON’T HAVE TO, ‘CAUSE I’M SINGLE AF!!!!!

There is something oh so DELIGHTFUL about being a single woman, being taken out on dates, enjoying my freedom, not having to answer to anyone. Coming and going as I please. Some nights I turn my ringer off when I’m home. I have days when I veg out in front of my t.v, eating pizza, binge-watching something that I’sure no MAN would be interested in. My hands in my pants in an “Al Bundy” kinda way. Drinking wine from the bottle, burping, dropping popcorn between the couch pillows and on to the floor. Some weekends, I don’t leave the house at all, and I don’t shower. If I brush my teeth during those 2 days, it’s because I’ve eaten so many onions that I’ve started to offend my own nose. My feet, hands, and elbows so ashy, that if I were to fall, I’d shred my carpet up from the roughness.  

I actually at times wonder if I’m ever going to want to be in a monogamous relationship again. Don’t get me wrong, I see older women donning wedding bands sometimes, sporting the ever unavoidable “I’m Married” mushroom bob. lol. You know the one, that says she predictably sits in a salon chair that she’s been going to for the last 45 plus years, and her stylist is just as old as she is, and still uses sponge rollers to set her hair with lotta body wrap solution, before setting her under the hairdryer, on Saturday mornings, as hubby works in the yard of the home they’ve shared since the first child was born. You know they take annual trips, probably have “sexy time” once a year. The family comes over on Sunday, cause she cooks her ASS off, and Mr. always gets his plate first and sits at the head of the table. And for a small moment in time, I flash back to what my life COULD have been like if I had just “hung in there”.

And just when it seems like this is what life should be like, I get a “WYD”, Or an “I’m just checking to see where you at, and what you up to” text. Or, “why haven’t I heard from you all day?” or “Can I see you?”.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but checking in has become so bothersome to me. And the men my age are getting needier and needier.

.

Funny thing is; I remember when I first moved into my apartment, as a single woman about 3 years ago. I would have anxiety attacks. I didn’t know why. I would be driving down the street, and all of a sudden, it would feel as if the air was being sucked from my lungs, my chest would tighten, and I’d feel lost before the tears began to fall. It took me a minute to realize that for the first time in my life, I had no one to really be accountable to. That if something happened to me in my apartment, it would probably be at least a day and a half before someone realized it. Though I still spoke to my kids regularly, it wasn’t daily.  Can’t really say when this way of thinking and feeling “alone” changed for me. All I know is one day, I was doing something I hadn’t EVER been able to do. I was 45 and had NEVER in my life stood in a kitchen, naked, dancing, drinking wine, and cooking dinner. I was at home, NAKED, in the kitchen. Something that seems so small to many I’m sure, was an “ah HA” moment for me.

I realized how GROWN I am!! And most importantly of all…. How SINGLE I am, for the first time! Thus birthing the “Ain’t Shit” monster who is “I” today.

And I’m probably going to be in this phase of life for a while. I plan to start a “women who ain’t shit” club. I’m going to get a few t-shirts and coffee mugs made. I’m sure there is an entire culture of “Ain’t shit” women out there, who are enjoying this time of finding and loving on themselves. Not to be shun by our married peers. A group of women who have decided to not let this world tell them what their relationship status SHOULD be. Not settling for less, just to say they have a man, or because big momma and the “aunties” corner them at every family function, questioning when they are going to meet a good man, and settle down. A group of women who can go from vegging out home alone on their couch, to rocking the baddest pair of heels, and the shortest dress, with hair, make up, and perfume on point!! Who can dance the night away, in a swanky club, pulling as many men as her heart desires, and come home alone to once again enjoy her peace and quiet.

So, Here I am. Single, Enjoying every moment, and wondering am I “Selfishly Single?”. Should I be in a hurry to get no where with someone I don’t care about, for the benefit of being able to say “I’m taken”? Or should I keep enjoying all of this ME time, falling more dangerously in love with Kita Redd daily? Should I stop enjoying being taken out on dates, as long as I make it clear that right now I’m not looking for anything serious? Or should I pretend that I like someone more than I actually do, in order to spare their feelings? Am I missing out on something by not tying my “happiness” to another human being? “Happy” is such an ambiguous word. What may look like complete and utter joy to some, can be like dying a slow miserable death to others.

Nahhhhh, I thinK for now, I’m going to enjoy being Single, whether selfish or not. I think I owe happiness to myself, and right now I…AM…HAPPY!!!

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Kita Redd Adventures Aboard Royal Caribbean… Bermuda Bound

“Anthem Of the Seas”

This ship is fricken AMAZING!!! Carnival would literally have to step their game up time 1000 to compare. This ship was like Buckhead, Alpharetta, Vinings, Peachtree City and Midtown on water. Totally epic. You would need to cruise it at least 2 to 3 times to even explore the entire ship, as it is HEWGE!!!!!

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Let’s start with the dining. I despise buffet style dining as my mind won’t allow me to not wonder what the person before me had been doing with their hands before they picked up the spoon. So they gross me out. On carnival I usually opt for the grills where they prepare the food as opposed to the buffet. Well RC’s AOTS has 6 sinks at both entrances of their buffet (which I realize I didn’t get a pic of) and staff is there to ensure no one enters without 1st hitting them sanks shawty!!!! I think that is AWESOME!!! And it sure makes my OCD feel good.

 

Then once you’re in the buffet area, it is SPEC-TAC-U-LARRRRRRRRRRR (Oprah voice). It’s so damn clean, and pretty, and so many options, even for my vegan-tarian self. Fresh fruit like they are having it flown in everyday. The meat looks so good and fresh that I almost back slid a few times, but I know I would get sick at this point. Desert bars, taco bars, burger bars, Asian bars. Also there are buffets located throughout the ship. So you’re not confined to one area and a bunch of folks in order to enjoy it. Yawl, I ate so much that at one point I wanted to cut my stomach off my body and scrape it out. But only so that I could have room to eat some more. Smh…. I could go on and on. But I’m making myself hungry.

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So, now, let’s talk about the swimming pools and Jacuzzi. I want to say this boat had at least 10. At LEAST!!! So there was never a need to feel crowded. There was a regular swimming pool, a Jacuzzi, a wade pool and some sort of whirlpool thingy that stirred you around it as you swam and then a pool inside of a pool on the lido deck, where they also had a movie on the big screen every night.

 

 

Then you could go inside on the lido where there were pretty much the same thing inside. All those pools. All of those I named were family friendly. But then there was a WHOLE ‘nother area inside of inside that you had to be at least 16 to enter called “The Solarium” that dons another 5 or 6 pools in different varieties a couple of bars and even a couple’s swing…. Listen. And all of these areas provided OUTSTANDING views to the ocean. Like I can’t even describe.

 

Then you have the areas where you waited for the elevators, which I’m going to have to Google how many elevators this ship had. But there were a TON, most of which were glass. And they changed the day of the week on the floor in each of them daily. The elevators that weren’t glass, had unique animal art on the walls. *update…there are only 16 elevators on the ship. Seems there were more. But, I googled it.

 

There are about 2 or 3 beautiful theatres on the ship. I had a chance to enjoy a comedy show which was HILARIOUS in one of them.

The shopping is RIDICULOUS on that ship. It’s comparable to Lenox Square here in Atlanta. Lots of upscale shops. I didn’t take a lot of pics of the stores. I don’t have a lot of storage left on my phone, and that wasn’t a biggie for me. My bday gift to myself is a camera though.

 

There is a BEAUTIFUL library, a nightclub, a casino that looks like it stepped right off a Vegas strip, plenty of coffee shops, sky diving, a skating rink, bumper cars, rock climbing, a ride called “North Star” that lifts you above the ship, fancy, fancy, fancy dining. Even a Johnny Rockets, and Chops Steak House is aboard this ship.

 

 

The staff was amazing. My room… OMG. Better than the Ritz Carlton. I take my own pillow case and sheet whenever I travel as I don’t really trust that of where I’m staying. Just a habit. This room was so immaculate that I didn’t even feel I needed either of them. And my balcony….. STELLARRRRRRRRR!!! The view, the lounge chairs. UHM!!! Flat screen tv in the room, glass shower doors, bathroom was clean. I ALWAYS line the toilet when I’m on a cruise or at a hotel. Didn’t feel the need to on this ship. After my initial Lysol wipe down, I felt I was good the rest of the cruise.

 

This ship has the most beautiful chairs throughout. Unique, pretty chairs. As well as art. Interactive billboards/bulletin boards are located at the elevators, and restaurant entrances.

There are iPads located throughout to check your account and daily activities, as well as to make reservations for shows, and some other stuff. Didn’t get pics of it though. The Guest services area is also BEAUTIFUL.

In case you want to take the family, there are plenty of things for kids of all ages to do. They have an entire room dedicated to pre-teens and teens. It’s called “The Living Room”. Daily activities are planned for them. They even had a prom night. Lol. Awwwwwwe. And there were things planned for the little ones during the day as well.

 

Overall, I give this ship, and experience a solid TEN stars. I would do it all over again. This is my 4th cruise in the last 15 months, all were GREAT, but this one outdid it’self. I want to cruise a few other ships now to see how they stack up against this one. So many ships, so little time. lol.

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Thank you for reading this, feel free to comment, and share your experiences…  Below are a few random pics. Enjoy!!

 

edit……. all of the things I listed above were FREE. With the exception of some of the upscale restaurants. I didn’t partake in some of the activities like the sky diving and such because you did have to have a reservation, and being that I was on vacay, I wasn’t trying to have a schedule. I ate at random, except for the Chef’s table, and slept at random and played and swam at random.

Can You Feel It?

There is a certain peace…an unexplained peace that happens in your life when you allow yourself to stand in the middle of the “Feel”.

When you allow yourself to just BE!! No social media, no negative distractions nor thoughts, no expectations, no fake being, no trying to please anyone but yourself, no feeling harried to return phone calls or text messages, no one expecting you to be their answer to happiness. Just YOU, the Universe, and your feelings.

Taking in the elements and letting them arouse your 5 senses…

Feeling EVERYTHING. Laughing harder at movies and feeling genuine appreciation for the actor’s gifts.

The Feeling of standing outside, barefoot, eyes closed, breathing in the fresh air, appreciating the earth and ALL of its wonderful creatures and creations. The Sound of birds chirping and crickets (doing whatever crickets do, I don’t know what that sound is..singing, chirping, cricketing… Idk, but enjoying it. lol).

Sitting in a hot tub of water as you fire up the candles, allowing the aroma of rosemary, and lavender to take you to an entirely different world. A world where peace abounds, love is abundant, and there is no space or time. Ummm, the Smell is so intoxicating. And the water is the perfect calm for the soul

Taking time to enjoy the Taste of every morsel of food you eat. Being able to identify each flake of seasoning used on it. Slowly chewing, no rush to finish so you can get back to “life” and all of its many demands.

Appreciation for the trees, and the clouds, and the beautiful skies you See while out for your new love of walks that you take daily now.

How can one not know the universe is love, and it provides you with everything you need, even when you don’t know you need it?

Life becomes so simple and magnificent when you allow it to wash all over you, like a cool summer rain, in the middle of a humid, 102-degree day. Running, splashing, laughing, and knowing that although it’s raining right now the sun is always right there behind the clouds and that this moment, the one you’re in is supposed to be felt, embraced even. The effect of rain is usually growth.

The universe is one of the greatest relationships you can have. It listens intently and provides you with what you put into your vibration. If you’re authentic to your soul and its desires, the universe has your back. Sit and listen to it, share your thoughts with it. Breathe, feel, appreciate, desire, and KNOW that you are loved. In ALL that you do, there is love to be found and reciprocated.

A Poem, by Nikki Lynn

Identical to you, Identical to me, identical to the intricate parts no one gets to see.

Identical to self, self-falling apart. Sharing, staring, understanding, the mess that is her heart.

Identity stolen, never to be found again, identity once sought in the love of men.

Identifying lies, manipulation, mistreatment, use, and abuse. Identifying I could never walk a mile in her shoes.

Identical twins? Souls? Looks like I’ve seen her before. No? Maybe not, she’s not that person anymore?

I deny I don’t identify, That can’t be I, someone told a lie, look me in my eye, my soul’s to fly to ever know the person that would be she, me, her, us we.

DAMNIT!
Maybe that is me….
Someone stole my identity, lately, I haven’t been myself. I’ve been trying to get the best parts of me back from off the shelf.

See I placed them there for safe keeping, I heard it’s better like that. But I’m having a hard time retrieving them. I can’t seem to get them back.

Excuse me sir, yes you, the tall one, dark and handsome. Do you think you can reach that up there for me? It seems to have been pushed back some.

Damn, he’s cute, “Oh, forgive me, you asked what’s my name”?…Oh shit, my identity’s been compromised again!!!

Happy Astrological New Year!

Y’all know I love all things Astrology… This is a great read!!!

In a Love World

Sun Enters Aries — The Equinox (March 20, 2018)

Happy Astrological New Year!

You are an Immortal who walks along the Razor’s Edge of Spirt, the pathway known as Dharma-Karma. All your Yesterdays and all your Tomorrows too, all of them meet here in this Fulcrum of Fulfillment…

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